Bingle bongle, dingle dangle

May 14

[video]

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
-----
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
-----
Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
-----
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
-----
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
-----
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
-----
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
-----
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
-----
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
-----
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
-----
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
-----
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
-----
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
-----
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
-----
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
-----
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
-----
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
-----
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
-----
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
-----
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
-----
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
-----
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
-----
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
-----
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
-----
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."

so
who else ships amorra
anyone

wolfskitten:

regulateddiscord:

regulateddiscord:

We’re watching Scooby Doo now.

And just

When did they decide that Velma and Shaggy were a couple?

I am displeased.

Has

Has Daphne always been so reliant on Fred being her boyfriend and showering her with attention and affection?

Yeah, part of me is like ‘yay finally they accept that shaggy and velma are a cute couple’ but… they… really did a crappy job of it…

like if you’re talking about the show i think you’re talking about, velma ACTUALLY gave shaggy the ‘it’s me or the dog’ choice and he picked scooby… so like she’s a spurned ex?

and fred is the trap guy… okay… like that’s his actual role… wh…

This show, it just.

It’s taken away all of Velma’s personality as the smart, nerdy girl and replaced it with a girl who is smart, yes, but is mostly just a whiny, bratty girl with hairbows and a miniskirt. And lots of boob.

I don’t know, in this episode, Velma and Shaggy are together, but she’s just.

I don’t like it.

exactly just like
no
no stop
leave the shipping to the fans
you’re doing it wrong
oh so wrong
stop

regulateddiscord:

regulateddiscord:

We’re watching Scooby Doo now.

And just

When did they decide that Velma and Shaggy were a couple?

I am displeased.

Has

Has Daphne always been so reliant on Fred being her boyfriend and showering her with attention and affection?

Yeah, part of me is like ‘yay finally they accept that shaggy and velma are a cute couple’ but… they… really did a crappy job of it…

like if you’re talking about the show i think you’re talking about, velma ACTUALLY gave shaggy the ‘it’s me or the dog’ choice and he picked scooby… so like she’s a spurned ex?

and fred is the trap guy… okay… like that’s his actual role… wh…

seriously can someone just
teach me how to be a Good Friend
the kind that keeps people happy
and keeps them from hurting
and doing stupid stuff
just because they have a Good Friend
and that’s what they need
because i seriously don’t know
i just want to help you and
i don’t know how
is there like
a manual or something
instructions
what am i doing wrong
what am i not doing

please just
let things go well today
that’s all i want
don’t
don’t make me deal with too much
that right there
would be too much

May 12

I just got this from Sai:

Huggy!Dave (sai): yo sis heard it was your birthday snap
so i figured id spit you a birthday rap
youre sweet and clever like no ones biz
yeah youre the best girl youre the shiz
so keep up a smile and let it show
cuz youre the one and only kitch ya know
so heres dave strider sayin loud and clear
happy birthday kitchenkind my dear

May 11

May 10

godheadcomplex:

dave strider has 1/2-blade kind

aragorn aka ‘strider’ inherits the shattered narsil sword

dave wants to make out with john who wants to make out with liv tyler

‘strider’ makes out with arwen aka liv tyler

youve read homestuck posts more convoluted than this one

(via sisnotsissy)

May 09

Huggy!Dave (sai): lol floor i thought they were still on the bed?
Actual Cannibal RD: fuck
Actual Cannibal RD: FIXED
Huggy!Dave (sai): just
Huggy!Dave (sai): john faceplanting onto the floor
Actual Cannibal RD: shhh they teleported
Huggy!Dave (sai): because of tailcock
Actual Cannibal RD: I FIXED IT JEEZ
alice is not a creative color: pfffft
Huggy!Dave (sai): i'm still laughing though
Actual Cannibal RD: STOP HURTING MY FEEFEES
Huggy!Dave (sai): I BUTTS YOU ALEX
Actual Cannibal RD: Someone just
Actual Cannibal RD: draw that happening
Huggy!Dave (sai): AE:UIGKBJRSF
Actual Cannibal RD: OOPS TAIL AROUND DICK SUDDENLY FACEPLANT ON FLOOR
alice is not a creative color: MAKE IT HAPEN SAI

[video]

monster-of-the-vermilion-pond:

avelera:

jenny-sdcc:

lonelybombay:

thetalesofbasingse:

zukothefirelord:

Take this test http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp and compare your results with the picture.
(And yeah, I got INFP Zuko. As great as that is… its also kinda worrying that I got him. xDDD)

I got INFP, Zuko.

Yup, I got Zuko(INFP) too! I am actually really happy with this.

INFP! Another Zuko here! XD

INTJ, FUCK YEAH AZULA!

Crazy crazy Azula

Zuko, aw yeah (“good” Zuko, the INFP one)